@_@

watched
bungee jumping into (out?) your lives (i don't r'mbr) ....i had a lighter once...i want to learn to sketch...
red doors - loved the dad...always wanted to become a doc...i donno if i have the courage to be any of those characters...
chandni chowk to china...at one point i cried when ak is beaten up by the hat guy after he kills the uncle....and again when he trains for his revenge....i think i will start training again...

its been four months now. no..i haven't yet got a job anywhere. i love listening to music. i know that will not help me get a job.i know writing this or anything else will not help me get a job either. i think i like writing. it doesn't matter who reads it. no,i can't switch to a career in writing. am not a professional writer nor can i become one.i play the guitar. i can play a few chords. a few lines from some tracks i like listening to. no,i can't switch to a career in music. am not a professional musician nor can i become one. but i like playing the guitar. for once it makes sense that the stuff i listen to can also be played by me...feels nice. why do i need a job now? 'cos everyone i know has one.'cos if i get one, some people needn't have to work. these people
have worked enough. i have always asked myself how the people who know stuff know them...who sing stuff know that stuff. the stuff that they sing and say and play makes sense to me. i wonder if they are all peaceful....they seem to be. i left my job. people ask me why i did it. i think i thought it was romantic to do that and go away someplace. no,i did not go anywhere. i stayed here. in the middle of life. i kept asking myself if i had a life then. i did. i decided to step into another side of it. but there was no other side. what u see is what u get..someone said. i thought all those words someone sang might actually be true. they are true...but i know now they are not always true for me. i know i can't sing someone else's song in my life all the time. i know i can't feel someone else's feelings all the time. but then, i know i wasn't sppsd to end up like this. i have been beaten and shunned many times, praised and loved equally.
i have a feeling that my life is like the truman show and that i can step out of it into my real life someday. i know there are people rejoicing someplace and others grieving for their own reasons...i know that is how it ought to be, a cycle of stuff and emotions.
why does it then seem so fake sometimes, all of this...as though we all are playacting? i think babies are the only ones who are actually real. i think i have officially lost it.

there are so many "i's" in this blog . i ought to open my eyes and see the world instead of just seeing me.

what's goin on!

oh...and taxes.....whatevr!

hmm

...a decade...full circle...friends...highs..lows...tracks..oh tracks...buses...books...shoes...haircuts...birthdays....trips...photos....eat-outs....thot-i-loved-thees.... steps...lessons..thanks...regrets...games...dairies...hmms....bzzs....donno-Ys....questions...weddings...jeans....jobs...life.....mango delite.....n yea..still think ignorance is bliss...

*

time..where is it when u need it?...grass is always...blaaah...whyyy...why doesn't reverse psychology work when u want it to work??

inside out...

just got this collection of tracks that just brings back stuff from way back....(ok,not that wayy back...but yea...)...:)...

aham

when i wanted to be someone else..i heard someone say that being urself meant being liberated..being true..blah la la...now when i am almost me n don't bother to explain the why or how of it...i hear them say "u'r hiding ur 'true self'...tsk tsk...".. i started doin something yday...racing in wierd terrains against unknowns on my neat little mobile phone...i was thoroughly enjoyin the madness on the road (virtual n real..)last evening...until i got that "u know this might have seemed cool ten years earlier...not now.." look from the two ppl seated next to me...n no..i donno why but it just made feel like a loser that instant...(n yea i did lose in the race btw..)..so much for being liberated..yea votevr...with all the honor killings n what-not goin on...ppl'd rather be themselves only when they are with themselves...
n i didn't understand why verma spoke only about hinduism in his wealth chapter..i thought he was talkin about being indian.. ...hmm i think i will go now..yea..goin..goin..gone..

n this is..yea..stuff..

pachaak...

...maybe it never happened..or maybe it did and you chose to put it out of your memory?
...its like the whole thing doesn't even matter anymore...no..i don't know which was first...the realisation that it probably just didn't matter or that it just didn't make me feel the way it used to....
yea..they are both the same ,aren't they?
..yea....well...
sometimes i wonder if thats the reason for u being the way u are...maybe if u hadn't made the choice...
how can we not feel for someone/something that we ought to feel for....and find solace in someone/something who/that doesn't even know you exist?
i donno...but it doesn't seem to qualify for escapism...cos if it were...we wouldn't be sitting here trying to discuss it eh?
naah...its called exactly that...pseudoism of sorts..
yea...maybe...
oh btw u have this thing u had to be somewhere today...
skipped it..
hmm..that phase of urs huh?
i donno what phase this is...i hav lost track of time...
naah..u r just playin the part u think is expected of u..
yea..i guess..my fingers used to hurt...but now i can't even feel them...
silly show off......spare those ears...did u get that call?
naah..votevr.. " i hope u bleed"....lol...what if someone actually told u that
eww...
hehe..i think it was hilarious..
:)...it was kinda...hmm...
i wonder what happened to sasha...hey btw got the mail id!
coolio...am gonna burn those now..ok?
ok..just pick the right ones..
hehe..like it matters!
yea...someday it will...u will see!
..votver! hmm...i thought de wouldn't chicken out...
hmm..well...she did...they all do...if u can't beat them join them...
yea...oh n if i listen to this song once more...i donno what' i'll do!! play something else!!
heehee...laalaaa...
:)....laalaa..if u can't beat them join them...